Go Fund You Not
by Shadowgate
Summary: For R-Rodriguez.
1. Chapter 1

Go Fund You Not

By Shadowgate

…

After getting out of the shower and drying off nine year old Melissa Cartman was ready for the day. When she went down to the living room she saw her dad's cellphone and a note. It had a name and number she did not recognize and the note was left for her mom Heidi.

Melissa of course didn't give a damn about minding her own business. She called the man herself and said told him she was Eric Cartman's nine year old daughter and asked him what was going on. When she did she found out so much more about the past. He was the first customer of a project Cartman started with four friends long ago to make money.

When Heidi returned she asked her daughter what she was doing on her father's cell phone. Melissa handed the phone to her mother.

Heidi told that man to not call her husband ever again and that contact should have been lost years ago. She hung up on him and deleted the number.

Heidi said "I will talk to your father about this situation and explain to him everything thoroughly about the man. As for you this was none of your business and there's not to be another word of it."

Melissa said "yes ma'am."

Melissa rushed out to meet her two friends nine year old Jerry Marsh and Kate Broflovski. She told them all about how her parents made money in a plan funding themselves.

Jerry and Kate both looked puzzled.

Melissa said "they used an online program called Kickstarter. Through that program you can build your very own company and get donations. It's so fucking awesome."

Kate took a deep breath and said "Melissa that doesn't sound like honest money. You have to have a college degree and know how to perform a job skill for that to work."

Melissa said "uh hello Kate I just said our parents did this when they were kids and they didn't have any fucking college degrees. I'm going to go for it. Are you two in with me?"

Jerry and Kate reply "NO" at the same time.

Melissa gave them both a mean look.

Jerry shot back a stern look and said "Melissa it sounds like a money scam that isn't a good idea."

Jerry and Kate went to the park.

Melissa went home and headed up to her room to get started.

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. Chapter 2

Go Fund You Not

Chapter 2

By Shadowgate

…..

Heidi and Eric got together.

Eric said "I can't fucking believe that idiot got back in touch with me after all these years. Oh man and this wasn't my only fucking mistake. Kenny, Stan, Kyle and I were responsible for the bullshit that failed like a bad motherfucker."

Heidi recalled how she remembered it and said "Butters burnt down the fucking gym."

Cartman held his head like he had a headache.

Heidi said "we better get together with the Marshes and Broflovskis.

30 minutes later they're all over at the Marsh Residence.

Kyle said "Cartman I have to know how that dumb motherfucker got back in touch with you? It was bad enough we were all stupid enough to believe we could drop out of elementary school and become billionaires."

Stan replied "I was stupid enough to think I'd be dripping in bitches. Then I felt animosity toward Clyde Donovan just for repeating what I said."

Wendy said "I know you learned a big lesson from that."

Wendy wrapped her arms around Stan.

Stan let Wendy know "I sure did learn a big lesson. It sucks when you're a school boy and a classmate burns down the gymnasium."

Wendy said "no shit that's a very bad thing."

Heidi said "we need to talk to our kids about this. I already talked to Melissa about it so that way they don't go off on a wild goose chase like this."

Jerry and Kate were behind them all along. Jerry spoke up "we know about it. Melissa told us about it."

Heidi slammed her hand down on the coffee table and yelled "I TOLD HER NOT TO KEEP QUIET ABOUT THAT!"

Kate said "it gets worse we think she might be carrying out a similar plan that you guys did that got you in deep shit."

Kyle yelled "Oh Goddamn it she really takes after you Eric. Oh and furthermore Kate you're not allowed to cuss because you're too young."

Kate replied back "oh like you never cussed in front of your parents you hypocrite."

Kyle gave his daughter a quick swat.

She let out a yelp.

Wendy said "we have to stop her then if she's trying to start up a Go Fund Yourself Project."

Jerry said "leave it to me mom."

TO BE CONTINUED


	3. Chapter 3

Go Fund You Not

Chapter 3

By Shadowgate

…..

Jerry and Kate moved quickly to the Cartman residence.

They knocked on the door and Melissa answered. Jerry said firmly "Melissa we need to talk to you."

Melissa had a keen smile and she replied "sure what's up?"

Kate said "it just so happens we heard our parents discussing the time they did the Go Fund Yourself Business Plan. It wasn't pretty."

Jerry said "we got the low down let me tell you."

Kate said "the results weren't pretty and we want to know if you're starting up a startup company of your own?"

Melissa said "well I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out for them back then."

Kate said "you already knew that Goddamn it now answer our question."

Melissa replied "any money I make is my personal business."

Melissa shut the door and locked it.

Melissa went back upstairs and got on her computer. Little did she know all the parents weren't far behind her friends and after Heidi unlocked the front door two children raced up the stairs after the delinquent one.

They entered her room and then Melissa turned around and asked "what the hell do you two want?"

Jerry pulled out a pair of toy handcuffs and slapped them on Melissa. He then answered her question "we want to teach you a lesson."

Kate said "well let's have a look on this computer. We see your work. You were indeed trying to start up a fraudulent company like we thought you would."

Jerry commented "oh yes and the reason we thought you would is because you told us you would."

Heidi came barging in the room and gave her daughter a hard swat on her backside.

Melissa howled from pain and embarrassment.

All the kids were brought down to the living room of the Cartman residence. Melissa is pouting and still wearing toy handcuffs.

Kyle commented "well damn Kate as fast as you and Jerry took down Melissa I only wish Stan Kenny and I were able to take down Cartman as that fast in our youth when he was bad."

Eric replied "oh Kyle I was never as bad as my troubled and emotionally disturbed daughter Melissa."

Stan, Kyle, Bebe, and Wendy all look at Eric with the most sarcastic looks possible.

THE END


End file.
